19 & Life

I'm not sure why, but I was recently reminded of the time I volunteered at the Metacentre. It just hit me, I don't know. Spring has a way of recanting past experiences for me. I guess it's the whole Earth Goddess, time of renewal vibe, digging up prior events (earth? digging? you're welcome...)
So at this centre, I volunteered under a part time modified self-defence program created by one of my TKD classmates, as a reward incentive for good behaviour. Basically, if the patients at the centre behave themselves they would be allowed to suit up and take some aggression out and have fun.
This wasn't as simple as it sounded, unfortunately, and the reason is that the Metacentre takes care of patients with mental, cognitive and behavioural problems.
As fun as it was to see how happy they were to train with us, it was also great to speak to the caregivers at the facility. When you see people who genuinely care about their jobs when it has to do with such a sensitive, and emotionally intensive labour, it's reassuring to know these people are out there. Shout outs.
One week, Something happened to one of the patients where they couldn't participate. I don't wanna get into that, it would almost sound like gossip about the mentally handicapped, but this person couldn't participate. And she was very disappointed, is what I heard, and the classmates felt bad for her as well.
When I heard how sad she was for missing out, I felt guilty for some reason. Like I was this lucky 19 year old care free kid who can come and go when he pleases and seek new fun experiences when I get bored. She was stuck here, and because of certain circumstances, her fun options were controlled for her safety and well being.
At the end of those few weeks, we all had this little celebration goodbye thing, with the patients and caregivers and we got to say something to everyone as a whole. I remember rambling, (people who visit my blog would not disagree with this) and I never got to express how much I appreciated the experience. They had fun with us but we had a blast with them, and I don't think 19 y.o. Brian properly conveyed that.
So maybe that's why I was thinking about it a little bit ago. Guilt.
I never did pick up my refernce letter from them, I experienced my reward.
That was a long time ago though. I'd like to think 29y.o. Brian is wiser, appreciative, cunning, faster, ambitious and greater at life than he was, but you know, I don't wanna sound like a prick :p